A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Reid is 62 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

Texas' worst air disaster occurred when a small 2-seat Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Texas A&M students, crashed into a College Station cemetery earlier today. Search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.

Genesis 21:19,20 "Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water...God was with the boy as he grew up."

Things were desperate for Hagar and her young son who had been banished by her master to wander in the desert. They were out of water, and were facing death. Hagar had distanced herself from her son so she wouldn't have to hear him cry. With no hope and no clue what to do, she sat there and sobbed.

God heard the boy crying and sent an angel to tell Hagar, "Do not be afraid...for I will make him into a great nation." Well, God showed her where water was, delivered them, and made the son a great nation.

Feeling desperate? Suffering a grave injustice? Hit a brick wall? Feeling lost? Fighting off a sense of hopelessness? Your Source of hope, strength, and deliverance is right there with you, right now. As you seek Him, He will give hope, make a way, and walk with you.

Lord, please open my eyes to see Your way in my current situation.

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dave@youronedegree.com

These were taken from actual traffic videos.

15. Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they are new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile.

14. Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.

13. If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.

12. Can you run faster thatn 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from a my gun.

11. So you don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I wnat on the ticket, huh?

10. Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?

9. Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.

8. The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?

7. Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in elephant stuff.

6. Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.

5. In God we trust, all others we run throught NCIC.

4. Just how big were those two beers?

3. No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want.

2. I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.

1. You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.

These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district. (Spellings have been left intact). Most of them are funny, but some are just sad.

1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY.
PLEASE
EXECUTE HIM.

2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER
SHOT

3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30,
31,32 AND ALSO 33.

4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.

5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL
OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.

6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS
FACE.

7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE
WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.

8-- M! EGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN
BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.

9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.

10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.

11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE,
DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE: [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT.
(Love it!)

12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA,
AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.

13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.

14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT. {You
know,this could be legit!}

15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE ! HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
BECAUSE DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.

16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO
GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE
THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY.

17-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT
A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. {I absolutely LOVE that one!}

18-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND
COULD NOT BREED WELL.

19-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED
WITH GRAMPS.

20-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.

21-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.

22-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORE
THROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER
AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHE! R HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.

NOW WE KNOW WHY PARENTS ARE SCREAMING FOR BETTER EDUCATION FOR OUR
KIDS.