These were taken from actual traffic videos.

15. Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they are new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile.

14. Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.

13. If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.

12. Can you run faster thatn 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from a my gun.

11. So you don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I wnat on the ticket, huh?

10. Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?

9. Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.

8. The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?

7. Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in elephant stuff.

6. Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.

5. In God we trust, all others we run throught NCIC.

4. Just how big were those two beers?

3. No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want.

2. I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.

1. You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.

These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district. (Spellings have been left intact). Most of them are funny, but some are just sad.

1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY.
PLEASE
EXECUTE HIM.

2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER
SHOT

3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30,
31,32 AND ALSO 33.

4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.

5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL
OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.

6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS
FACE.

7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE
WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.

8-- M! EGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN
BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.

9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.

10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.

11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE,
DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE: [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT.
(Love it!)

12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA,
AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.

13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.

14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT. {You
know,this could be legit!}

15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE ! HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
BECAUSE DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.

16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO
GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE
THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY.

17-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT
A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. {I absolutely LOVE that one!}

18-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND
COULD NOT BREED WELL.

19-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED
WITH GRAMPS.

20-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.

21-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.

22-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORE
THROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER
AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHE! R HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.

NOW WE KNOW WHY PARENTS ARE SCREAMING FOR BETTER EDUCATION FOR OUR
KIDS.

If you read the front page story of the SF Chronicle on Thursday, December
15, 2005, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become
entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighed down by
hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat.
She also had hundreds of yards of line (rope) wrapped around her body --
her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth.

A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farralone Islands (outside the
Golden Gate) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few
hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the
only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her, a very dangerous
proposition. One slap of the tail could kill a rescuer. They worked for
hours with curved knives and eventually freed her.

When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous
circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and
nudged them, pushed them gently around -- she thanked them. Some said it
was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives. The guy who
cut the rope out of her mouth says her eye was following him the whole
time, and he will never be the same.

May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and as fortunate in the
New Year ---- to be untangled from the things that we think are binding us.

Genesis 14:14 “When Abram heard that his relative (Lot) had been taken captive, he called out the 318 trained men born in his household and went in pursuit as far as Dan.”

Perhaps Abram was just itching for a fight, or perhaps he just felt sorry for his unwise nephew, Lot. In any case, Abram: Took decisive action-Used his own resources-Had a plan-Did the right thing-Didn’t do it for reward.

Lot had moved into Sodom-an unwise move. Now Lot and his family had been carted away. Abram could have easily looked the other way and rationalized doing so, but he didn’t. I admit that I never have liked this guy, Lot. But Abram had compassion on him.

Do we shirk doing the right thing when it involves people we feel have made bad decisions? Do we make excuses when the Lord is prompting us to befriend or help people we feel have “made their own bed?” Most of us will be around people like that today. The curious thing is that all of us are like that in some way. We have all made unwise decisions, we have all compromised, we have all flirted with sin (pride, greed, materialism, resentment, bitterness, anger, etc.) in some way-perhaps not quite as obviously.

May we all do good as soon as God prompts us to do so. May we not make excuses. May we not sit in judgment.

Lord, please forgive me for my pride and hardness of heart. Please help me quickly discern your heart when you are prompting me to help others. Help me know when to help and when to wait and what role you want me to have, if any.

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dave@youronedegree.com

Genesis 13:12 “Abraham lived among the land of Canaan, while Lot lived among the cities of the plain and pitched his tents near Sodom.”

Sodom was known to be a morally bankrupt city, even compared to other cities in the region. Lot made a decision to associate with and expose his family to the influences of Sodom. Though he may not have participated in the lifestyles of Sodom, he and his family were influenced by them.

There may be times when God plants godly people into very dark places, but to place ourselves there is very risky. Sometimes we choose to “pitch our tents” unnecessarily close to situations, people, or environments that could easily lead us astray. We flirt with temptation. Often we fall to it and wonder how it happened.

Are we flirting with temptation these days, or are we fleeing it? Are we rationalizing our compromises or ruthlessly protecting our walks with the Lord? Are we going toward the Lord or away from him?

Lord, please reveal to me any aspect of my life where I am compromising, flirting with wrong, or seeing just how close I can get without getting burned. May I flee evil and draw closer to you.

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dave@youronedegree.com