Today I woke up looked outside and it was cold, cloudy, and raining. For some reason though, I was gleaming ear to ear. When I walked into school today, all the other teachers wanted to know why I had so much reason to smile on such a gloomy day with no sunshine.

I told them as far as I knew I had not won the lottery and the bills were still due as usual. I still have the same weaknesses and character defects as I did yesterday, and although I can't think of any one reason for such joy, I do know it is from God. Now I know what others have meant when they described such joy. It is a gift from God. He is the creator of all good things.

Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him. For he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Seek Him and you just might be rewarded with SUPERNATURAL JOY!

When a woman wears leather clothing, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally.

Ever wonder why?
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Because she smells like a new truck.

After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager
teaching prospect said: "Let me see if I've got this right........
You want me to go into that room with all those kids, and fill their
every waking moment with a love for learning. And I'm supposed to
instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive
behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their T-shirt
messages and dress habits.
You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted
diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise
their self esteem. You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship,
sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a
checkbook, and how to apply for a job.
I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment,
recognize signs of anti-social behavior, make sure all students pass
the mandatory state exams, even those who don't come to school regularly
or complete any of their assignments.
Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with disabilities get
an equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or physical
disability. And I am to communicate regularly with the parents by
letter, telephone, newsletter and report card. All of this I am to do with
just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a big
smile AND on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps!
You want me to do all of this and yet you expect me......
NOT TO PRAY???

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. Cry out in surprise,"Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

5. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

6. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

7. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

8. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.

9. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh No!!!" and then hang up.

10. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up.

11. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

12. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

13. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a pizza.

14. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

15. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Jeff, playing a joke. "Come on Jeff, cut it out! Seriously, Jeff, how's your mom?"

16. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder...louder...

17. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

Twas the night of the Rose Bowl and all through the land,
All the Longhorns were stirring, even the band.
The tickets were purchased for the game, room, and air
In hopes that Saint Vincent would soon be there!!
The fans were tailgating from their truck beds,
While a vision of a championship danced in their heads.
And Bevo in his bridle, and me in my cap
Had just popped a cold one before the first snap.
When out on the turf there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter!!
My eyes fixed on the tunnel, and the thundering herd;
The roar of the fight song; I sang every word!!
They ran to the end zone, and knelt to their Maker
Giving thanks for TEXAS, and the victory later!!
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear.
Coach Mack in his glory, THE HEAD COACH OF THE YEAR!
And our hero from Houston that I haven't seen since;
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Vince!
More rapid than eagles his posse they came
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name!
Now, THOMAS! Now, TAYLOR! Now, PITTMAN and SWEED!
On, CHARLES! On, GRIFFIN! ROSS, HUFF and McGEE!
To the top of the world for a championship crown!
Now dash away, dash away, to a TEXAS touchdown!
They fought with fury! They fought with might!
They fought like champions on this championship night!
Oh! The bombs they flew, and the holes blew open
The Longhorns ran the ball just as we were hopin.
The defense attacked, and oh, they played hard!
Stopping the Trojans, in their own back yard!
Macks eyes how they twinkled, his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, the crystal ball he did carry!
He embraced his coaches, he embraced his team!
And The Eyes of TEXAS we all did sing
A season that will live forever in lore;
COME EARLY, WEAR ORANGE, STAY LATE, once more!